It’s 4:50 in the morning and I’m holding my 4 year old as I type this post. His autism has been rearing its ugly little head for the past 3 hours. He can’t sleep. The soothing music and melatonin don’t seem to be working. I’m annoyed. That might sound crazy to some but can’t you tell, I’m cranky. All I want to do is sleep but that’s currently not an option. Thank goodness my 8 year old is slumbering peacefully – at least someone’s getting some rest in here. But then he’ll wake up in the middle of my catching-up on sleep. And my husband is away, doing what I’m supposed to be doing…traveling..alone! Am I bitter? Yes. Spoiled? Yes. Witchy? Yes. And it’s the perfect time for me to reflect. And just to prepare you, I’m not reflecting on the Mickey Mouse-laced memories of our recent family vacation.
I realize that my love for traveling has taken on a different meaning. The basics are still the same – going to a new destination or discovering a new restaurant in a familiar city, meeting new people, forging new experiences, creating lasting memories. But it also serves as a bit of escapism. Escapism from the reality of our lives. What we deal with in this crazy world of autism is a struggle. If it’s not behavior or medical issues, it’s insurance and school battles. It’s a constant up and down, a forced positivity in the face of much adversity. It’s a breast stroke through muddy water. It’s our life.
On the outside looking in, people think “Oh, you’re lucky. You’re always traveling.” I wouldn’t say “always” but maybe more than the average Jill. And I wouldn’t say “lucky” but maybe, blessed. It ain’t all peaches and cream over here. It’s work! Internally and externally. It’s late nights and sleepless ones too. It’s work obsession and constant reminders to stay away from ill-placed comparisons. It’s a battle with the whole work-life-balance equation. It’s a jockeying for me-time. It’s a consistent “figuring it out”, much the same as with my son’s autism.
This post may be all over the place but that’s pretty consistent with everything else. I like traveling with my kids but I love traveling without them. And my husband for that matter too. I’m just keeping it real. My love for travel existed way before any of them did in my life. Most moms would never admit such a thing. Oh well, I’m not most moms. I’m just me. My kids are at the age and point in their development where family vacations are for their pleasure. It’s not a vacation for me. Yes, I enjoy making the plans, booking the trip, negotiating deals, spending time, and putting smiles on their faces amongst the laborious picture-taking, editing, writing, budgeting, tantrum-managing and “what about me?” spousal pleas. But it’s much the same of what I do when I’m not on the road with the family. Work.
When I get an invitation to take a trip without family, guess what, I’m jumping for joy. I don’t have to figure out anew how to travel with autism, how to adjust for certain situations although I have to admit that my son has been pretty wonderful. He’s been a challenge but he hasn’t been impossible, therefore we do continue to make family travel happen. I know many families dealing with autism skip the family vacation thing altogether and I feel for them because I understand.
Although I don’t publicize traveling with autism constantly, we do. Every trip, every day. Whether we’re traveling around the corner or traveling around the country, autism is a co-passenger. Hopefully, I’ll get to a place in my writing where I’m more transparent about our struggles so that I can help other families living with autism who may be discouraged to travel. I struggle with that. It forces me to dig deeper beneath my surface, something I don’t have to do when I’m happily traveling alone.
Though I don’t have a child with autism, I completely understand your feelings on traveling with children.
It can suck. A lot.
I miss the days when I (with or without) my husband would pick up and go somewhere. The money flowed more freely, our schedules didn’t hinge on that of school and little league, and babysitters didn’t have to be procured in order for me or us to leave the zip code.
At this point, I agree that traveling with kids is a trip, and traveling without them is a vacation. It seems that when they hit the sweet spot of about four-years-old, things become easier. Maybe.
Thanks so much for your honesty. Though I am grateful to be blessed with these two little boys for which I prayed, I still struggle with missing my “PK” life.
Hope you got some sleep and everyone at your house is feeling good this morning.
Thanks Tricia. Just waking up for the day. Yeah, autism adds a different dimension to family travel for us. We have our fun but we have those unexpected moments as well. It’s management and takes a lot of deep breaths on my part to keep everyone calm. There’s no lack of excitement, that’s for sure. As my four year old has gotten older, travel has become easier and It’ll continue to get easier, which I’m very happy about. I want him to be able to enjoy the vacation as much as his brother does, otherwise I think to myself, what’s the point? I know my husband feels that way but I don’t let the challenges discourage me. Everything is a phase and our children grow up so fast so I try to remember that and enjoy the time…although I’m far from level-headedness at 4 in the morning.
My husband and I have been talking about a couples trip for a year now and we still haven’t managed to get it in yet. With both our families living out of town, it’s been easier for me to get a solo trip in, usually for business. I gotta admit, I love the temporary solitude. God willing, we’ll get in at least one trip this year with just the two of us.
I hope you can get a trip or two in for yourself this year as well.
Hello,
I have two kids with autism spectrum disorders. The younger one struggled so much with travel that we gave it up for a couple of years. We stepped back and learned how to help her adjust to changes locally when she could still come home to the same bed. We learned what helps her cope and have been able to adapt that for travel. It takes a lot of pre-vacation time to prepare her for trips, but she does well now (We just returned from Paris, France. She also has climbed mountains at Yosemite, been to Mexico, San Francisco, Hilton Head, Florida, Nashville and more. She’s seven.) I show her pictures of our hotel including our hotel room. I plan the schedule meticulously for the first couple days of a trip so she knows exactly what to expect and talk about it with her a lot. I show her pictures of previous trips to the area (when we’ve been before to give her a frame of reference). She does so much better now. Maybe some of these ideas would help your son.
FamilyTravels, That’s great that you made those adjustments! One of the things that I’m learning I have to maintain when we travel is the visual schedule for my 4 y.o. He needs that and so do e for that matter. I haven’t carried the schedule with me but now I think I will. Thanks for your tip and words of encouragement.
It’ll continue to get easier, which I’m very happy about. I want him to be able to enjoy the vacation as much as his brother does, otherwise I think to myself, what’s the point? I know my husband feels that way but I don’t let the challenges discourage me. Everything is a phase and our children grow up so fast so I try to remember that and enjoy the tim